Bah Humbug

everyone has a unique and varied experience during this blessed season. From the smell of burning logs in the fireplace, the splendid aroma of moms cooking leeching out of the kitchen, the way the sleet tickles your cheeks as you walk . I have lived through many lovely holidays and none can compare to the idiosyncrasies of my personal holiday. So amazing that I will create my own version of "Twas the Night Before Christmas".

Twas the Night before this Christmas
and howling through my house
were the moans and displeasures
my family aroused.

In attempt to be saved
hurridly out the front door I made
my way to the non arctic wasteland
in my inadequete honda civic. (fuck you it doesnt rhyme Patrick)

But to what should my wonderful cell phone appear
but my pissed off significant other, syrens wail in my ear.
Argument, after fight and so and so fort',
why cant this all end in the bottom of some port

This holiday was so tainted, it reminisced of old
when stories were so pleasant the ones my parents told
were shadowed of this private hell, one I could not escape
This day will be remembered as one ill forever hate.

So fuck Dancer, and Dasher and Donder and Blitzen,
Fuck Comet and Cupid and Prancer and Vixen.
Screw the holdiays and this night
May I soon forget my horrible plight.

sleep

i wake

but its not a daze

or joy or whatever one attaches to human emotions

lost inside the confines

dark humid walls 

like this, tripping and reaching for something

weeks of ant

ic

ip

at

ion

and here

to you i bring forth

the latest genious of my

mind

gracefully passing into the night

with arms wide open, accepting

what will come before morning light

and each morning i am robbed

denied declined disheartened am I

that never did it come to fruition 

and i remember back 

to thoughts that wrought havoc and clarity

fear is relieved

by a slow steady trigger squeeze

LET THEM EAT WAR

Happy Holidays 2007

It has hit me finally. ly. ly. My life seems like it is culmanating. It is coming to a pinnacle. So I would believe. lieve liev lie. After years of forced misery, I have chosen life. I have seleceted a pathe that diverted me down a unique meandering cordorouy. No, not a cordorouy like the ancient settlers fumbled on, more like I have changed my bearing slightly off the orginal course. Im still on the same plot of water, shooting an azimuth to the final destination, but I didnt use Mils. So my vatriation is off, what the hell was that mil relation formula again? 17 mils to a degree, so accurate, but I didnt care. Like I said shooting for the same destination, plus I know LARS or RALS whatever the hell it is and I can shoot back Azimuth. Ill get there someday

none

writhe in pain.

I want you to understand.

look at me, feel, empathize.

an echo sounds deep, 

enchanted as it dances around the mind

and trickles to the tongue. 

it pours out. 

Flashes of crimson and white.

stings.

volume.

ringing with violence, 

it tears apart and yet comes with the ease of opening a letter

dis-belief

you knew me  

laugh and cherish whimiscal moments

engage with the innocence that only youth has

and then its over.

you forget 

and i live 

corroding, eroding 

I alone

you'll never understand

you cant empathize, you cant feel

the begining